atheism

yes im atheist  but as you can tell by my last post i made a conscious choice to become atheist i didn't one day wake up and say im atheist  over a few years  (after my mother died) i started asking questions my religion couldn't answer (became agnostic christian) then i started doing research into other religions but asking similar questions that had answers but ones i didn't like very much not because they were hard to hear but because they didn't fallow any form of logic but as i continued to search to find a replacement religion (the Unitarian universalist  church helped a lot) out of my search i found only 2 religions i liked 1 Wicca 2 Buddhism 

Wicca has a very good moral code and laws a witch must fallow (although the magik aspect i find bogus) all in all a very nice religion that worships nature more than the godess (well the godess is everything in nature)

Buddhism has always been a nice religion  very peaceful  but it can be a bit i dont know how to say it it just dosent suite me

after about 3 years of looking for another religion i gave up (i could write a list of all the religions i researched but im too lazy to wright that much) and renounced all religion. i actually cried for about 30 minutes when i finally made this decision and to this day i still dont know why(maybe it was because that was a big change in my life that i knew i would never be the same after) i have turned to science although it cant answer all my questions it have answered quite a few and all of them in a logical manner with evidence of why

holidays

well enjoy your holidays whatever they may be except Ramadan because that happened a few months ago (august i think) but in any case


joyous winter solstice (yule) (dec 21)

marry christmas (dec24-25)

happy chanuka (dec1-9)

and dont forget kawnzaa (dec 26 -jan1)

last of all happy new years to every one i will be spending it with my girlfriend

rss feed

oh hai i got an RSS feed now for any one that wants to use it

awwwwwww

its been a weird week well my father came to town and is staying for about 24 days(god damn it). i went to my girlfriends house yesterday and got home today she gave me a peculator (fuck ya!)and my dad got me a nice pair of sennhizer headphones unfortunately my GF is going out of town for a few weeks to visit family  i got a call from my dad this morning (noon) and he told my my cat died last night(feelsbadman.jpg) we were planing on putting her down tomorrow because she was suffering pretty badly from lung cancer (she was 13) i plan to get a kitten soon  female name: Ada Lovelace (first programmer) male: Charles Babbage??? (created the difference engine(first computer)) but not sure for the male name
oh i also went to a rammstine concert it was fucking awesome

its been a while

i haven't posted for a while  but to catch any one whose actually still reading this thing  any way the girl i was posting about a few weeks ago is now my girlfriend we spend our weekends togather mostly in bed lol but its been going grate and i have been very busy with school because its the end of the semester and teachers decided to pile on a shit tone of work suddenly and im some how managing to keep up and today i finished an essay and 2 projets that are due soon

starting to get serious

its really starting to get serious i mean im almost ashmed to say this but we almost got in to the "new couple fight" of the perpetual "no, your too cute" and the worst part is i almost didn't notice it context :
me: your too cute ^^
her :no your too cute
at this point i began to type  no you.... i then realized: oh shit im not going to do that
for so many years the sweet couple thing has pissed me off now im one of them QQ

i just noticed that blogger has a new bug when i press enter the insertion cursser doesent go to the next line until i type something

ok back on track but yes i have spent more time talking to her this week then i have gaming now thats the most shocking thing i have said lol i cant stop thinking about her even now and its distracting  when we were talikg to night she and i seem to.... (i just got a email from new egg for there 72 hour black friday sale and they have a drawing  of $5000 that excludes Quebec FFFUUUUUUUU hears a link if any one from kunkastan want to enter) share our strong feelings mutually  so our first kiss is likely to ensue during next date (i can always hope for more ;) )and that will make it very successful date i can actually see this played out in my head lol
me: i have a suprise for you
her: what?
(i just figured out the bug it happens when the keyboard is in french)
me: come closer so i can show you
*hold her shoulders and lead her in fora kiss right on her mouth
with luck she will return it with a more passionate kiss ♥
(damnd auto correct replaced it with passionless ><)
i cant wait for the date

death of a Hard Drive

as of about 130 this mornig my external HDD fell off my desk RUNNING and it had a head crash it was 80% full of all my stuff on my desktop most of which is irrplaceable fortanatly my hdd was still under warranty i fucking love seagate but geting a free replacement doesent realy copensate for all of that invalubal data lost

on a side note SUDDENLY VISITORS 20 of them out of no ware so you guys like hearing about my dating life eh? i doubt i will write that much in one go ever again but you never know

the date

i know that no one reads this blog but i post here because i can in the off chance that i get a follower and i still post as if i had followers so what i say is restricted to what i want people to know about me and i guess it is for my own enjoyment than anything else fuckk im turning in to an attention whore online

with that said

the date went amazing well nothing too special happened it started off slow and awkward over a cup of coffee it wasn't too well planed but i couldn't think of any where better so we ended up going to the food court coffee depot all 5 tables were full and we ended up finding a seat with the rest of the food court and shyly trying to get a good conversation going and a lot of fiddling with coffee cups lol (i burnt my tong too -_-) you have to remember this is the first time we met in person online we have conversations that last hours we ate some light food while still makeing atempted small talk after which we went to the movies and bought tickets for inception (it was an ok movie) but we had an hour and a half to kill so we went for a walk and endedup in a book store this helped alot we were able to loosen up considerably joking about books sharing intrests etc when we got to the movies we both kept making jokes related to the internet for the first half i was working up the courage to grab her hand i kept saying to my self at the next cigarette burn( the big black spot on the upper right side of the screen it marks when the projectionist is supposed to switch reels) unfortunately my left arm sometimes looses circulation when i set in one spot too long and i kept trying to get it going again because my hand was cold lol then i decided to say fuck it and grab her hand and she excepted it so easily for the rest of the time we sat holding hands and it was so nice (its been along time since ive had such a good date so sue me if it seems not like a big deal because it is ) afterwords we hugged a few times and parted at the metro stop

im so glad i did grab her hand because thats what made the whole thing feel like a success for one it did a massive boost to my self confidence and too it made the night feel so much more relaxed ive never felt so comfortable around anoter person before and i couldn't stop smiling all night long i still cant lol i assume this is what joy feels like remember me and emotions arent very well known i may even be shading my shell of lonesomeness that been part of my life for so long that its just part of me and part of how i thought every one was but its amazing i can almost fell the release of endorphins

first date

well tonight is my first date with her and its been a bloody long time since ive been on a date so im not sure how this is going to play out wish me luck

nusance

another nuance brought to you by your not so friendly neighborhood arson man yah he tried to burn down the trash shoot......again i want to start a pool with my neighbors (im sure the maintenance already has one

the pool would probably look like this
A V low odds
B mid odds
C mid odds
D high odds
E low odds
arson gets caught mid high odds

rant about G4

what triggered it:

news about direct TV drooping G4 yesterday i read on beefgir who linked to this artical on kotoku

thats so epic that they are dropping G4 maybe that's the kick in the balls they need to bet back to their viewer base

also best line in the article:

in response to direct tv dropping g4:

"However, DirecTV rejected this offer thereby denying their subscribers the only network dedicated to today's web-inspired, tech-savvy, gamer lifestyle"

oh fuck when i read that i laughed hard for 5 minutes

i moved from the states 5 years ago right when G4 was dropping good shows like they were covered in AIDS

i remember last time i was in the states(for a trip) and had G4 (about 3 years ago) it was garbage cops ninja warrior AMW x-play attack of the show, that show that looked like cribs but focused on celebrities that game -_-, , brainiac(the only good show) and the man show were all that was on and they all sucked what happened to anime unleashed, cinema tech, call for help, wired for sex, unscrewed with marten Sargent (not the best example but still better than now), old x-play,Titans of Tech, battle bots (robot wars?), and the other 10 that were so epic (epic) 1990-2005 were the golden years in american TV (except for fox they never had a golden era)

tl;dr: nostalga rant about G4

ok rant over

going good

well it seems the girl im talkig to is too epic for words and we are getting along grate well today we really didnt talk much i guess we ran out of things to say lol but we planned to meet this weekend at the otakuthon party first date in a very long time i dont expect much to happen due to having friends spend the night at my place im really excited about it
ive actually noticed things about online dating (a tleast for me) that there are levels of familiarity between us first was the few messages via message service then doing it more frequently then moving to the sites im and now to the point of steam id and email addresses and of course the final step bringing it offline (meeting her) then i assume phone number exchange and hopefuly a full relationship ^-^

on a side note someone i know fainted and it really bothered me that i wasnt sure what to do there were to many people in the room trying to do diffrent things that i cudent do anyting i was traind for in firstaid classes imy first reaction was to call 911 but decided agianst it incase she recovered (she did in about 2 minutes) we got security and by that time she was feeling a little better and could stand on her own the security and her closer friends took her to the infermery she came back an hour latter looking much better and she seemed compleatly fine by 6

emotions

while i was writing the last post i started getting off on a tangent about emotions so i decided to make a new post for that

so anyway up untill recently ive only known 4 emotions: contentment(not happy just content), depression, in between depression and contentment, and contempt. since a few tragic moments in my life i haven't felt any other emotion happiness or love anger or hate nor do i really remember these emotions when i was young i was very emotional mostly anger and i never really understood emotions and to me most of them are just words and for dealing with people its the question can i stand to be around you do you hit any of my triggers i live alone and im happy with this because i don't have to pretend to understand social structures of a group or the emotions of people

my friends just fade away from me if i don't see them and all that's left are names of them or basic facts about them its like the reverse of how a windows computer deletes info where it deletes the file name, location on disk, size, etc.. but the actual data is still there until something else wrights over it
i guess thats it for this rant just another in site into how i see the world

online

i met a girl online its only been a few days since we met but i dont know we seem so well matched i rely feel that i like her but gahhhhhh i dont know this coupled with the relief of not having any serious health problems i cant seem to stop thinking of her when im alone and im checking my email more often than i normally do in hopes to see a message and last night we chatted live for the first time and she was even more awesome than i thought this is the first girl of realy felt anything towards a giel aside from the occasional crush in elementary and middle school but since then i sort of figured i was emotionally asexual (if thats a thing)online and completely asexual offline (ive had girls try to ask me out and despite being good looking i just kind of ignored their advances) i've only had hetero (bi if you count traps) physical attractions online but nothing where i felt disappointed when i dont hear anything from her in more than 12 hours

fuck i just dont know this is new territory for me

FUCK im a hardcore gamer but i just feel so board with everything i have after talking to her and just want to wait for her next reply she is a bit on the big side but good looking granted ive only really seen her face but im pretty indiffrent to looks
not that any one reads any of this im just board

good news

my tests came back normal they say it might have just been high cholestrol
it was a very stressful few hours untill my defensive mechanism kicked in "its out of my control might as well not worry about it until i can do something about it"
in fact i live by 2 ideals
1 i got noting better to do
friend: "lets go start a bar fight"
me:"i got noting better to do tonight"
-wana watch some gay porn
- sure y not
im so indifferent lol (it pisses alot of people off for some reason)

2 i cant do anything about it
fox news:"2012 is coming were all going to die"
me: bring it
fox but arnt you scared
me nope i cant do shit about it if it happens it happens
anoter personalty trait that pisses alot of people off laze fare "leave it be' (is it the same as indifference?)

bad news fucking bad news

i just got told i might have hep b or hep c i just did a blood test and for the first time in my life i feel truly scared about any thing even when my mom and step mom died ive never felt so scared
although they are both treatable even curable

flaming shit cakes

well i decided to restart my blog

first off STOP TRYING TO BURN DOWN MY APARTMENT BUILDING
MY APARTMENT COMPLEX IS PLAGUED BY AN ARSONIST


im all for screwing with large corporations but dont fuck with places where people live in the last two weeks my building alone has had 3 separate fires (i live on a complex of five buildings) all of them have been hit in the last 2 months at least once my building and another has been hit a total of 5 times including a fire that happened a few hours ago in the other building i give the moron kudos for trying to take on an entire apartment complex but we have electronic keys and cameras at every entrance and recently beefed up security due to past events