going good

well it seems the girl im talkig to is too epic for words and we are getting along grate well today we really didnt talk much i guess we ran out of things to say lol but we planned to meet this weekend at the otakuthon party first date in a very long time i dont expect much to happen due to having friends spend the night at my place im really excited about it
ive actually noticed things about online dating (a tleast for me) that there are levels of familiarity between us first was the few messages via message service then doing it more frequently then moving to the sites im and now to the point of steam id and email addresses and of course the final step bringing it offline (meeting her) then i assume phone number exchange and hopefuly a full relationship ^-^

on a side note someone i know fainted and it really bothered me that i wasnt sure what to do there were to many people in the room trying to do diffrent things that i cudent do anyting i was traind for in firstaid classes imy first reaction was to call 911 but decided agianst it incase she recovered (she did in about 2 minutes) we got security and by that time she was feeling a little better and could stand on her own the security and her closer friends took her to the infermery she came back an hour latter looking much better and she seemed compleatly fine by 6

emotions

while i was writing the last post i started getting off on a tangent about emotions so i decided to make a new post for that

so anyway up untill recently ive only known 4 emotions: contentment(not happy just content), depression, in between depression and contentment, and contempt. since a few tragic moments in my life i haven't felt any other emotion happiness or love anger or hate nor do i really remember these emotions when i was young i was very emotional mostly anger and i never really understood emotions and to me most of them are just words and for dealing with people its the question can i stand to be around you do you hit any of my triggers i live alone and im happy with this because i don't have to pretend to understand social structures of a group or the emotions of people

my friends just fade away from me if i don't see them and all that's left are names of them or basic facts about them its like the reverse of how a windows computer deletes info where it deletes the file name, location on disk, size, etc.. but the actual data is still there until something else wrights over it
i guess thats it for this rant just another in site into how i see the world

online

i met a girl online its only been a few days since we met but i dont know we seem so well matched i rely feel that i like her but gahhhhhh i dont know this coupled with the relief of not having any serious health problems i cant seem to stop thinking of her when im alone and im checking my email more often than i normally do in hopes to see a message and last night we chatted live for the first time and she was even more awesome than i thought this is the first girl of realy felt anything towards a giel aside from the occasional crush in elementary and middle school but since then i sort of figured i was emotionally asexual (if thats a thing)online and completely asexual offline (ive had girls try to ask me out and despite being good looking i just kind of ignored their advances) i've only had hetero (bi if you count traps) physical attractions online but nothing where i felt disappointed when i dont hear anything from her in more than 12 hours

fuck i just dont know this is new territory for me

FUCK im a hardcore gamer but i just feel so board with everything i have after talking to her and just want to wait for her next reply she is a bit on the big side but good looking granted ive only really seen her face but im pretty indiffrent to looks
not that any one reads any of this im just board

good news

my tests came back normal they say it might have just been high cholestrol
it was a very stressful few hours untill my defensive mechanism kicked in "its out of my control might as well not worry about it until i can do something about it"
in fact i live by 2 ideals
1 i got noting better to do
friend: "lets go start a bar fight"
me:"i got noting better to do tonight"
-wana watch some gay porn
- sure y not
im so indifferent lol (it pisses alot of people off for some reason)

2 i cant do anything about it
fox news:"2012 is coming were all going to die"
me: bring it
fox but arnt you scared
me nope i cant do shit about it if it happens it happens
anoter personalty trait that pisses alot of people off laze fare "leave it be' (is it the same as indifference?)